Okay, I don't have a full review because I had a minor medical procedure done yesterday and I was still feeling pukey and a bit out of it.

What was last night's theme anyhow? Boring? Talk back to the judges and get an asshole stamp? Whatever, I was totally unimpressed with the show and impressed with myself for staying awake thru the whole mess.

I continue to find that waiting for and commenting on Paula's outfits one of the best parts of the show. Last night, I swear she was wearing a modified version of a dress my Barbie had circa 1978. And someone bedazzled her neckline, so she was super sparkly.

Simon, during the intro on the Super Galactic Stage, looked frighteningly and humorously like a grown adult version of Bart Simpson.

Anoop - Got the kiss of death first spot. Expect to see Anoop on the Seal of Death regardless of how well he does or does not perform. He sings some Usher song that I don't know. It's okay. I'm loopy and can only hear out of my left ear, since I am lying on my right side. Anyhow, Anoop does seem to be bringing back the Anoop Dawg the judges requested last week. So of course - - the judges rip him a new one over his performance. Randy goes the easiest on him, telling him the vocals were good. Anoop seems surprised and a bit angsty over the critiques. Understandable, since they keep changing the game on him.

Marlboro Megan - Why is this chick still on my tv screen? Why can't she cover up that nasty tattoo? She sings a Bob Marley song, which she knows should be considered off-limits. The judges have stated this soooo many times. Marlboro does her usual spastic/seizure/nerve damage wack moves while she "sings". The judges rightly tell her she sucks, without even a comment on how lovely she looks, so Marlboro should be toast. She also subjects us to her stupid monkey on crack faces while Seacrest is asking her why she sucks and giving out her number (like anyone but Vote for the Worst will call).

Gokey is next and I am at the point where I can't even look at this guy, he smarms me out so much. I note that he wears his wedding ring in his interview but not while performing. Naturally, he is singing a weepy, "I have a dead wife" type ballod from Rascal Flatts. Yawn. If he wasn't so smarmy, he would bore me. The judges eat it up like Gokey just shit gold pieces. I think we all know who the judges plan on using their "save" on, don't you? By the way, Gokey has out-Melinda Doolittle'd MD herself with the "who, me?" expressions and acting (ahem) "humble". Forget tickets to a live show, I want to win the opportunity to smack the shit out of Gokey.

Breakfast Club is next and Good Lord Almighty, if she doesn't look a hot mess. Of course, she is ONLY! SIXTEEN! I hope sometime soon someone tells her that a bird crash landed in her pile of hair because that could turn into a dangerous situation. She is singing something by No Doubt and the beginning is horrible, the end is horrible and the middle is okay. She does play guitar for the first time, just for about 10 seconds in the beginning of the song, and she hurries thru it like I did during my first piano recital when I was 9. The judges seem a bit freaked because they didn't flove her as much as they usually do and will therefore have to transfer their love elsewhere tonight. They are also all in agreement that Breakfast Club looks as though she went thru Paula's closet circa 1987 and then Paula threw her in the dryer before shoving her out on stage.

Scott is next and someone did his hair!! He is also wearing all black and looks much hipper. He will be singing Billy Joel (which I love) and playing the piano, with no further accompanyment. I agree with Simon - - Scott's best performance by a country mile, city mile or whatever mile. "Just the Way You Are" is a bit dated and there were a few slightly bum notes but I think Scott will pull through. There was so much other suckage I think he will escape the dreaded Bottom 3.

Matt is assaulting the keyboard in the middle of the mosh pit, singing some Fray song that I don't know. And . . . it kinda sucks. I like Matt, I thought he was screwed last week with the Idol shenanigans of putting him in the Bottom 3, but . . . it kinda sucks. It's a repeat of the Coldplay disaster. The judges all think he sucks, Matt looks postal but Kara does say she doesn't think he deserves to get voted off. Because there is no room for creativity on this show?

LRR is singing a Celine Dion song after the judges trashed her last week. She is also wearing a flapper wig. Guess she couldn't find it last week when she wore the flapper dress. Anyhow . . . she looks nice but . . . well, I'm a bit underwhelmed. Again, a safe choice. I'm not feeling anything from her, other than she's performing. The judges give her mixed praise. Seacrest talks to her kids. LRR cries, guaranteeing safety.

Adam F. Lambert is, naturally, singing Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music". And . . I'm not getting it, for the first time. It's almost too theatrical, it's definitely wild and crazy and maybe hearing the song in its entirety would do it better justice. That said, I would rather hear Adam F. Lambert's version of this song on a continual loop than be subjected to any more Gokey-foolery.

Tender Dawg get the pimp spot and he is so cute. He is singing "Ain't No Sunshine" and Tender Dawg brings that shit! He is playing keyboards and he sounds really good. Great song choice. The judges give him due praise and poor little cute Kris looks like he wants to tell Seacrest to hurry up with his pointless comments so he can go squee offstage.

Safe: LRR (tears and kids work); Adam F. Lambert (duh!); Gokey (he is inexplicably unstoppable)

Possibly in Danger: Anoop (kiss of death first spot); Matt (self explanatory); Marlboro (no explanation needed unless you're deaf); Breakfast Club (getting tiresome)

Should Go: Marlboro


******************
They're idiots, which I don't necessarily find offensive. But I do find it offensive that they think I'm an idiot and would believe what they're saying.
******************
www.psychoticstate.blogspot.com

ImageImage Image