Dear Diary,
Another amazing day! My day started early, because Tom doesn't like to waste time sleeping. He'd rather do stuff with me. He woke me up this morning by knocking on my bedroom door at 5:00. I told him to come on in, because I was naked and wanted to snuggle. He must have eaten something that didn't agree with him, because right at that moment he had to run to the nearest bathroom and throw up. He runs really fast, too. The man is amazing. He's an amazing lover, too. Even though I don't remember our sessions, he assures me that they're great. He makes me a special secret Scientology tea each time, because he says it relaxes me and it aids in conception. Even though it knocks me out, I believe him. I mean, I did get pregnant, didn't I? After a quick breakfast of niacin washed down by Wesson Oil, we went outside and he rode his motorcycle around the yard, in a very manly manner, while I sat at the picnic table and clapped. Then he tossed a football around while I chased it and measured how far his amazing and manly arms can throw. At one point, I threw my arms around his neck bent my knees and leaned way down so that I could kiss him. He told me it didn't count toward my contractual quota, though, because there were no photographers around. I told him that one was for free, because he's just so amazing. I'm not sure he understood. Then he suggested that we go see the baby. I thought maybe someone had brought over their baby to be blessed with our presence until he explained that he meant our baby. You know...Suri. So we gave her handler....I mean nanny, a ten minute break while we parented. Next it was time for my dictionary study. Tom says it's an amazing book and I agree. I'm up to 'c' already and I've learned some amazing new words. I'm not feeling the plot yet, though. While I was studying, Tom and David went to the store to stock up on barley water and corn syrup. I laughed when they got back, because there was a turkey baster sticking out of the grocery bag. Tom explained that they needed it for the secret tea recipe. Next it was off to lunch with my best friend, Bosh. Or was it Posh? Anyway, it's not her real name. Her real name is....something else. You know who I mean, the one married to the soccer player that Tom likes so much. He practically gets giddy when the soccer player is around! Now Bosh, or Posh or whatever, is my very best friend, and I hate to be judgemental, but I don't think she's the best mother in the world. She actually takes her kids out in public sometimes! I tried to explain to her about the bad psychiatrists who want to snatch celebrity children and do their evil brainwashing on them, but she just laughed and asked me if I had been drinking kool-aid. No, just tea. After lunch I had some shopping to do, so I called Tom's publicist to let them know where I was going and what time I would be there. I had tons of stuff to return. I bought a bunch of stuff for Suri, but it was all too small. I keep forgetting that she's much bigger than other babies her age. After shopping I had my scientology lessons. I don't remember much, probably because I had some tea right beforehand. Praise the Lord Xenu and death to the unbelievers. Then Tom and I drove around town to find the restaurant with the largest amount of photographers outside. After pumping his fists in the air a few times, Tom dragged me into the restaurant and we ordered. We got back late, so I went right to bed. Tom has his own room, because he and David like to stay up late and discuss how to make the world a better place. Such an amazing guy.....
Goodnight
Katie
Another amazing day! My day started early, because Tom doesn't like to waste time sleeping. He'd rather do stuff with me. He woke me up this morning by knocking on my bedroom door at 5:00. I told him to come on in, because I was naked and wanted to snuggle. He must have eaten something that didn't agree with him, because right at that moment he had to run to the nearest bathroom and throw up. He runs really fast, too. The man is amazing. He's an amazing lover, too. Even though I don't remember our sessions, he assures me that they're great. He makes me a special secret Scientology tea each time, because he says it relaxes me and it aids in conception. Even though it knocks me out, I believe him. I mean, I did get pregnant, didn't I? After a quick breakfast of niacin washed down by Wesson Oil, we went outside and he rode his motorcycle around the yard, in a very manly manner, while I sat at the picnic table and clapped. Then he tossed a football around while I chased it and measured how far his amazing and manly arms can throw. At one point, I threw my arms around his neck bent my knees and leaned way down so that I could kiss him. He told me it didn't count toward my contractual quota, though, because there were no photographers around. I told him that one was for free, because he's just so amazing. I'm not sure he understood. Then he suggested that we go see the baby. I thought maybe someone had brought over their baby to be blessed with our presence until he explained that he meant our baby. You know...Suri. So we gave her handler....I mean nanny, a ten minute break while we parented. Next it was time for my dictionary study. Tom says it's an amazing book and I agree. I'm up to 'c' already and I've learned some amazing new words. I'm not feeling the plot yet, though. While I was studying, Tom and David went to the store to stock up on barley water and corn syrup. I laughed when they got back, because there was a turkey baster sticking out of the grocery bag. Tom explained that they needed it for the secret tea recipe. Next it was off to lunch with my best friend, Bosh. Or was it Posh? Anyway, it's not her real name. Her real name is....something else. You know who I mean, the one married to the soccer player that Tom likes so much. He practically gets giddy when the soccer player is around! Now Bosh, or Posh or whatever, is my very best friend, and I hate to be judgemental, but I don't think she's the best mother in the world. She actually takes her kids out in public sometimes! I tried to explain to her about the bad psychiatrists who want to snatch celebrity children and do their evil brainwashing on them, but she just laughed and asked me if I had been drinking kool-aid. No, just tea. After lunch I had some shopping to do, so I called Tom's publicist to let them know where I was going and what time I would be there. I had tons of stuff to return. I bought a bunch of stuff for Suri, but it was all too small. I keep forgetting that she's much bigger than other babies her age. After shopping I had my scientology lessons. I don't remember much, probably because I had some tea right beforehand. Praise the Lord Xenu and death to the unbelievers. Then Tom and I drove around town to find the restaurant with the largest amount of photographers outside. After pumping his fists in the air a few times, Tom dragged me into the restaurant and we ordered. We got back late, so I went right to bed. Tom has his own room, because he and David like to stay up late and discuss how to make the world a better place. Such an amazing guy.....
Goodnight
Katie
Brilliant!!
