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May 4 09 5:03 PM
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May 4 09 5:11 PM
GoebbelsRedux wrote: "I still find him like sexual heroin." "I find Adam very sexy." "Adam F Lambert just reeks testosterone. That. Is. All." I wish I had somebody to fantard over this year. I mean, I'm downloading Adam's songs (and would buy his album for sure), I'm rooting for Allison and love Anoop's entire persona, but don't feel any deep emotional investment in anyone's winning or losing at this point. Idol's just something I watch while waiting for Survivor to roll around.
Maybe I'm burnt out or David set the bar too high for me personally?
May 4 09 6:46 PM
you know the funny thing, is that I have never (to this day) watched an episode. I like to read the blogs to get the buzz, and then you tube on my own.AFL hits me, but based on what I have read, he is the only "Idol" have even looked at. So feel comepletely free to discard me.
May 5 09 1:48 AM
May 5 09 5:39 AM
maum wrote: Elle trust me, don't bother with the others. Adam is all you need...
May 5 09 5:44 AM
GoebbelsRedux wrote: maum wrote: Elle trust me, don't bother with the others. Adam is all you need... Well, Adam and a third party to do the work...or some kind of mechanical device. Just sayin.' * shares a cyber cookie with Peach *
Posts: 6326
May 6 09 5:36 AM
Care Bear is next because, OF COURSE, Douchey will get the Pimp Slot. Can Idol be any more obvious? Care Bear is on the Confessional Stools with Seacrest and Seacrest aptly calls him the "Pride of Conway, Arkansas". Seacrest sure is about the nicknames tonight, isn't he? Care Bear is just so darn cute I can barely stand it. He is going the Beatles route - - he was either going to sing "Revolution" or "Come Together" and decided on the latter because it had a cool vibe to it. Cut to Care Bear's mentoring session with Slash, where he borrows Slash's guitar to jam out with the band and Care Bear says it was so "amazing" to see Slash playing next to him, he "almost wanted to pee in my pants". So darn cute. Slash told Care Bear he should definitely play the guitar during his performance but of course it was hard to move around with the guitar so he was going to have to make his performance more animated.
Care Bear performs and Paula dances at her table. Care Bear sounds good and solid, but he's not incredible, sadly. Simon was right, it is definitely hard to top the brilliance of Adam Fucking Lambert. Care Bear isn't gaspy, thank goodness, and he does seem to connect with the song, which is always good with these crazy judges. For the first time, I'm feeling the sex-ay from Care Bear, more so than the cute.
Randy reminds Care Bear that he's not a rock guy. True, I guess. He might be more like Lenny Kravitz in that department. To continue, Randy did like that Care Bear stayed true to himself with his performance and he liked the vocals, although he wasn't blown away as a whole. He did love Care Bear's guitar playing though. All in all, he did enjoy it. I do think this is the most sense Randy has made during one show all season.
Kara agreed that Care Bear was made more for the softer side of rock (Soft Rock Care Bear) but she didn't think it was a great performance. She thought he was trying too hard, he didn't choose the best song and thinks Care Bear can do more than he delivered.
Paula told Care Bear it was risky to do a Beatles song but "your artistic delivery is what makes it . . . (drunken? maybe? pause) . . .your signature is all over it." Which is a drunken, roundabout way of saying what Bedazzled Randy did. Paula thinks Care Bear's imprint is truly compelling, but he needs a little more energy during his performance. Easy problem to solve, Care Bear. Just take a swig out of Paula's cup. Paula did add that she believes Care Bear is deserving to be on the Idol stage. Depending on who is up there with him, that may or may not be a compliment.
Simon said he didn't like it that much and equated it to eating ice for lunch - - it will do but it's not satisfying and you forget about it. Poor Care Bear. Last week he's a spaniel, this week he's ice.
As mentioned, Douchey gets the Pimptastic placement and he horrifies us by telling us that he will be performing Aerosmith's "Dream On". I flove Aerosmith and I'm torn between wanting the song not to be butchered and wanting Douchey to annihilate it so badly, this truly will be the perfect evening.
Slash informs us that Douchey picked a tough song (no shit!) and the main thing is the scream at the end, since that is what everyone waits for. He does show a little confusion with stating that Douchey is naturally gifted (a naturally gifted tool?). Oh no, he meant vocal-wise. Douchey tells us that with this song he can go for bigger things than he ever has before. Slash brings us, at least, back down to reality by saying this song could go either way.
So Douchey takes the stage and he's changed out of his red flag of douchery shirt into a long sleeved eggplant colored shirt with a pinstriped vest. What this has to do with rock week and/or Aerosmith is simply too deep for me because I can't figure it. How do I comment on his performance? It's basically Douchey Geekey being Douchey Geekey doing Aerosmith. In other words, TOTAL SUCK. If you're waiting for a laughably bad performance, here it is. Douchey is shouty. Douchey is pitchy. Douchey is like the office co-worker who has a beer too many at the Mexican restaurant after work and thinks he can karaoke Aerosmith like Steven Tyler but sounding nothing like Steven Tyler. Imagine, if you will, David Archuletta performing this song, but with 50% less talent. There is the general idea. I hope that Steven Tyler is pulling on his leggings and his feathers and dusters and getting in his car and driving to the Idol studios now to kick the shit out of Douchey for humiliating his song so badly. Good Lord, this is a rock anthem, it's freaking iconic, to quote the judges. Is Douchey that full of himself that he thinks he can sing it? Hot Michael got booted last season for singing this a thousand times better. Here's hoping . . . So Douchey is still singing . . . the band is utterly awesome though . . . maybe tomorrow night the good Lord will take Douchey Geekey the fuck away . . . from my t.v. set. What the Steven Tyler hell is the "doo, doo, doo" he's doing? I think my brain hurts. Oh no. The worst was yet to come. That ungodly scream. Holy hell. Adam Fucking Lambert could have Adam Fucking Lambert-ized it but not Douchey Geekey. My dog actually growled. I kid not. My cat turned his head up, the way animals do when they're not sure what they're hearing, then he gave me a total "eat shit" look. I know what he's thinking. "What the fuck was that? Why did he do that to Aerosmith? I can totally outsing this ass clown while hacking up a hairball."
Thank God and Adam Lambert and the unicorns in the Happy Place that the song is over. Paula must have gotten a little kicker during one of the commercial breaks because she's dancing around like crazy and the audience is obviously insane because they are clapping and screaming and Simon looks like he's puking in his hand. I know I want to. Pan to the audience where a group helpfully marked as "Douchey's Family & Friends" looks shellshocked and like they are suffering from PTSD. Douchey, naturally, claps for himself and says "thank you!" about a million times. God, I want to punch him in the face.
Randy states the obvious - - not that it sounded like a pinstripe vest-wearing monkey on a bad acid trip - - but that rock is not Douchey's genre. Are we sure singing is Douchey's genre? Randy thought it was all right (not aiiiiiight) but he's going to give Douchey an A+ for the valiant effort to hit the high note at the end. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Since when, by the Top 4, do they get an A for effort? This is bullshit. I'm calling bullshit.
Kara thought Douchey took some swagger and added more edge to his performance . . . where? By wearing a vest? She thought he took his performance a little too far. A little? She thought he should have chosen more early Aerosmith - - which proves Kara is an idiot because "Dream On" is early Aerosmith. Unless Douchey wanted to do "Crazy" or "Angel", which seems more fitting to his own personal theme nights of singing to his dead wife, he should have stayed away from Aerosmith altogether. Kara said the performance wasn't perfect but she commends him for taking chances. Again, WHAT.THE.FUCK. Care Bear took a chance and they took turns driving the bus that he got thrown under.
Paula said this was a tricky genre for Douchey. She doesn't know if it was the right song - - trust me, Paula, if you weren't in a pill popping stupor, you would know exactly that this wasn't the right song. She qualified everything by reminding Douchey and the audience that she's a huge fan of his and then asked the audience who there was a big fan of Douchey's? Again, who else gets this type of treatment. Douchey basically took a vocal shit on the stage and they still have to commend him for anything they can - - in this case, at least attempting the note and being ballsy or stupid enough to choose this song. Paula drives my point home by telling Douchey she gives him an A++ for "going for it".
Simon agrees with RaKaPa but thought Douchey's last note was like watching a horror movie, a scene from Friday the 13th. He tells Douchey it worked with Adam Fucking Lambert but since Douchey is no Adam Fucking Lambert, it didn't work for him. Pan to a sign in the audience that says "Simon Cowell is the King of Common Sense" which Simon heartily agrees with. With this panel, I must generally agree. Anyhow, Simon still believes that Douchey will be safe. I hope this backfires, since it did with Matty G. last week.
So Seacrest be-bops out and asks Douchey what he thought of his own performance. Oh God. Douchey thought he sounded good and said he chose this song because he didn't want to do a song in his safety zone. Okay, whatever. I think we should have been provided with an audio warning before Douchey took the stage. Seacrest reminds us that Douchey is the only contestant left who has not been in the Bottom Three. Well, that says a lot about America's bad taste.
Back to Duet Central and Adam Fucking Lambert and Breakfast Club are doing a rendition of Foghat's "Slow Ride". Holy crap, I love this song!! The band, again, is bad ass. Adam has changed into a pair of 1960s-inspired striped pants and boots and he sounds freaking awesome. Breakfast Club changed into either an oversized shirt or a very short dress, over her leathery pants/leggings. They do sound good together although Adam is so very brilliant it's really unfair to Breakfast Club. They obviously are having a good time together and are enjoying their performance, unlike Care Bear and Douchey, who just seemed to have the bad luck to both be on the stage at the same time, singing the same song but not together.
Randy says yo, yo, yo, you guys are our 2 seasoned rock stars in the house! (which makes it seem a bit unfair that Idol grouped the two rockers together for a duet instead of mixing it up). He thought their performance was DA BOMB!
Kara dubbed them the rock god and rock goddess and proclaimed that was what a duet should be.
Paula thought the two of them were a perfect vocal blend, a perfect marriage . . . unlike herself and Simon. Which makes little sense. She thinks they should do a duet on a future album.
Simon . . I don't know what he said because once again, the Idol producers can't bring this mess in on time! But we can let Douchey explain his crap song. Whatever.
Best performance by a mile: Duh. Adam Fucking Lambert. Even the Kiss of Death Craptastic First Slot won't hurt him.
Best song choice: Once again, Adam Fucking Lambert.
Worst song choice: Douchey Geekey. What made him think he could pull off "Dream On" makes me think he needs a psychiatrist.
Worst performance: Douchey Geekey. For every possible reason.
Who Should Go: Douchey.
Who Will Go: Probably Care Bear or Breakfast Club. Both were sandwiched in the middle and neither gave a standout performance. Either of them going will set us up for a Good/Evil showdown in the Final Two. Sparky: My cat that can outsing Douchey
May 6 09 6:07 AM
Is Douchey that full of himself that he thinks he can sing it?
May 6 09 6:54 AM
Well, maybe it was the sheer weight and size of Douchey's head that finally did in the Idol beams and stage. If Douchey gets the surprise! boot! tonight I will die laughing.
ETA: Sad thing is, the judges really didn't rip him a new one, although he deserved it. They threw poor Care Bear under the bus, but couldn't give Douchey a totally stank ass review, which he deserved. They said the song choice wasn't good, they said we love you but didn't like it and they gave him props for effort. Ridiculous. Last season they practically body slammed Jason Castro for daring to sing Bob Marley, in a much better performance, and certainly didn't give him an A for effort or anything else other than an admonition that no one dared to sing BOB! MARLEY! Their agendas are about as translucent as Tinky's.
May 6 09 7:25 AM
Sad thing is, the judges really didn't rip him a new one, although he deserved it. They threw poor Care Bear under the bus, but couldn't give Douchey a totally stank ass review, which he deserved. They said the song choice wasn't good, they said we love you but didn't like it and they gave him props for effort. Ridiculous. Last season they practically body slammed Jason Castro for daring to sing Bob Marley, in a much better performance, and certainly didn't give him an A for effort or anything else other than an admonition that no one dared to sing BOB! MARLEY! Their agendas are about as translucent as Tinky's.
May 6 09 7:49 AM
Seeing as how the powers that be found a way for Adam to open and close the show, and the judges seemed to insert his name into every other singer's critique, I think any arguments that Danny is the chosen one are pretty much null and void. It's the Adam Lambert Variety Hour and any remaining contestants are just filler. By the way, I thought Allison more than held her own with him in last night's duet. Not a fan of throwing out the "Oh my God she's only 16/17" line, but when you consider the 10 year age spread and Adam's professional background, I thought she matched him every step of the way. I didn't care for her solo performance, though. Curious to find out if Kris's rabid fan base is enough to save him and sink Allison or Danny in the process.
May 6 09 8:12 AM
May 6 09 8:41 AM
May 6 09 9:00 AM
May 6 09 12:37 PM
GR, I will admit a few times earlier in the season I didn't vote, feeling the same way - - I'll just let the chips (or votes, as it were) fall where they may. I do think that even if Douchey gets the least amount of votes, they aren't going to kick him to the curb yet, although he has deserved it more than once.
I think Adam Fucking Lambert is too amazingly brilliant for a crown or a tiara. They should just hand him the Idol sceptor and be done with it! Hee. I could totally see him in a king's robes though - - a brilliant, royal purple with a zebra-like fur trim. Rockin'!
I don't want Care Bear to get the boot but I think he will be just fine. It's obvious that Jamie Foxx floved him so hopefully he will hook him up with the appropriate connections in the biz. I'd be willing to bet that Care Bear would get more contacts and be more successful than the Smarminator, regardless of what the hearing-impaired judges think. Well, with the exception perhaps of Randy, who was unsettlingly sensible last night.
PP - I am surprised that Paula finally admitted her painkiller addiction. Now will she admit that she and Simon are eff buddies?
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May 6 09 12:50 PM
Posts: 327
May 6 09 1:14 PM
May 6 09 1:34 PM
Wednesday, May 6th 2009 American Idol: Go Go Gokey No, seriously, just go go go go GO far far away. I'm going to keep this recap simple, because everybody sounded like glorious rock angels sent from Led Zeppelin heaven compared to the terrorist attack that is Danny Chokey. Chokey must pay for whatever it is came out of his shit hole last night. The FCC needs to fine him, his church needs to excommunicate him and Peta needs to pour a gallon of red paint down his throat, because thousands of chickens WERE strangled to death in the making of that sound. During dress rehearsal, the stage manager fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital. All signs point to Chokey's screech from hell. It is the cause of all the wrongdoings in this world. The only good that could have come out of Chokey's "baby hyena in a blender" screech is if Simon Cowell threw Kara DioSTFUALREADY towards it and she turned into a pile of salt. Then Paula would've run on stage and snorted her up. If that happened, Kara wouldn't have embarrassed herself even more with the whole "Crazy" is "early Aerosmith" comment. Stupid bitch. Chokey's performance should seal the deal. He basically sang his own execution song last night. Somebody should check on Steven Tyler, because I think hearing Chokey absolutely murder one of his songs caused him to dig a grave just so he could lie down and turn in it. With all that being said, Cockey won't be put down tonight. The judges completely shrugged off that epic suckery off. Most of them said that Danny just wasn't in his element. If by "element" they meant "singing," then they are right. But that's not what they meant. All signs still point to a Glamberace/Cockey finale. And this grosses me out. It should be Manic Panic's best girlfriend, Allison! Didn't her duet with Glamberace pretty much confirm this? I mean, Allison was pretty perfect last night. When she sang, empty bottles of Jack Daniels and cartons of Marlboro Reds danced around me. She already has the voice of a middle-aged crackhead rock star who may or may not love the pussay. How can you not love that? As for Kris Allen, I hope you got enough of his "jizzing in a tube sock" facial expression last night, because I think he is done. You won't see them anymore. His army of horny tweens can't save him now. Now on to GLAMBERACE! Breaking news! For once in my life, I actually liked him. Yes, everyone was waiting for THE QUEEN to take on Queen, but his version on Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" kind of stroked me the right way (my apologies for that lunch-killing visual). This was mostly because Glamberace is built like Foghorn Leghorn, so that's who I pictured singing this. That made a whole world of difference. Now on to predictions: Who will face execution?: Allison & Kris Who will be executed?: Sadly, Kris....
No, seriously, just go go go go GO far far away. I'm going to keep this recap simple, because everybody sounded like glorious rock angels sent from Led Zeppelin heaven compared to the terrorist attack that is Danny Chokey.
Chokey must pay for whatever it is came out of his shit hole last night. The FCC needs to fine him, his church needs to excommunicate him and Peta needs to pour a gallon of red paint down his throat, because thousands of chickens WERE strangled to death in the making of that sound. During dress rehearsal, the stage manager fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital. All signs point to Chokey's screech from hell. It is the cause of all the wrongdoings in this world.
The only good that could have come out of Chokey's "baby hyena in a blender" screech is if Simon Cowell threw Kara DioSTFUALREADY towards it and she turned into a pile of salt. Then Paula would've run on stage and snorted her up. If that happened, Kara wouldn't have embarrassed herself even more with the whole "Crazy" is "early Aerosmith" comment. Stupid bitch.
Chokey's performance should seal the deal. He basically sang his own execution song last night. Somebody should check on Steven Tyler, because I think hearing Chokey absolutely murder one of his songs caused him to dig a grave just so he could lie down and turn in it.
With all that being said, Cockey won't be put down tonight. The judges completely shrugged off that epic suckery off. Most of them said that Danny just wasn't in his element. If by "element" they meant "singing," then they are right. But that's not what they meant.
All signs still point to a Glamberace/Cockey finale. And this grosses me out. It should be Manic Panic's best girlfriend, Allison! Didn't her duet with Glamberace pretty much confirm this? I mean, Allison was pretty perfect last night. When she sang, empty bottles of Jack Daniels and cartons of Marlboro Reds danced around me. She already has the voice of a middle-aged crackhead rock star who may or may not love the pussay. How can you not love that?
As for Kris Allen, I hope you got enough of his "jizzing in a tube sock" facial expression last night, because I think he is done. You won't see them anymore. His army of horny tweens can't save him now.
Now on to GLAMBERACE! Breaking news! For once in my life, I actually liked him. Yes, everyone was waiting for THE QUEEN to take on Queen, but his version on Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" kind of stroked me the right way (my apologies for that lunch-killing visual). This was mostly because Glamberace is built like Foghorn Leghorn, so that's who I pictured singing this. That made a whole world of difference.
Now on to predictions:
Who will face execution?: Allison & Kris Who will be executed?: Sadly, Kris....
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